Fate By Chance
by alliemart
Summary: AU: He wants a change; someone new and intriguing and fun and real and more. She just wants more, and apparently, pancakes. A journey that begins by chance and, well, we'll see where it goes from there.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter story, I hope you all enjoy it!

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Richard Castle is not having a good night. He's frustrated and bored with his work. He's tired of the parties and the socialites. He's beginning to feel trapped in the public eye. He misses his life and being a father to his daughter. He wants a change; someone new and intriguing and fun and real and more, that won't be considered a just 'new toy' by the damn paparazzi. This in mind, he turns away from the group of blondes hanging onto his every word for a momentary reprieve from the facade and forced smiles, takes just a second to breathe.

His eyes widen as she walks by; short, tight, shiny black dress with simple black power heels, tumbling brown curls, shining eyes, and a mischievous smile. Stunning. Intriguing. Mysterious. He takes a step to follow her, feet moving on their own accord.

He sighs when she approaches a man seated smugly amongst a group of scantily clad women, an obvious sleaze ball. He watches her legs as she saunters up to the man, dragging her fingers along his shoulder and bending down to whisper something in his ear. He shakes his head, but stops mid turn as he sees a flash of something bulky between her legs.

_Shit, is that a gun?_ He squints and steps closer as she twists just slightly; he can now clearly see the bottom of a police issue thigh holster peeking out from underneath the dress. _Shit, shit, shit._

He feels himself propelling toward her before his mind can fully register what he's doing. _Well, shit_. He grabs her arm and yanks her forcefully (and not a bit protectively, not at all) away from the larger, much scarier man.

"No way. You're mine tonight." She glares at him, eyes full of fire. _So hot!_ He schools his expression into an appropriate mix of anger and possession, pulls her to his chest, and grabs her leg to pull her skirt down. "Tell him you'll be back when you can get away again, if you really need to," he whispers before moving to drag her away.

He jerks her arm again as she turns around to gesture to the man. He leads them through the crowd and into a dark, secluded corner before he lets go of her arm. She turns on him with eyes full of fury. _Still hot..._

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

He's caught between intimidated and completely fascinated. "You may want to be a little more mindful of that gun, ma'am." Well, that came out cockier and less sincere than he had intended.

It seems to throw her for a loop, though. Her eyes narrow as she takes him in, only to widen a moment later. Is that recognition? He's trying hard not to look smug, decides to go for merciful instead.

"I hope I didn't blow your cover too badly."

She lets out a long breath. "The only reason I'm not kicking your ass right now for interfering in a police investigation is because I was supposed to be looking to dose a John that likes to get a little too physical." He watches as she deflates; she looks embarrassed, almost ashamed, even. "You may have saved the operation, actually. And, uhh, thanks..."

"Don't worry about it." He grins and extends his hand, "Rick Castle. And you are?"

"Detective Kate Beckett, Homicide," she manages after a moment.

His smile grows as she takes his hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Detective." He releases her hand, observing her tense posture. "Can I buy you a non-alcoholic, cover-maintaining drink?"

Before she can respond, a large shadow falls over them. Rick gulps as he faces the two, very angry men. They stare at him with foreboding postures and matching grimaces. "I take it you're with her?" he asks (and no, his voice didn't just crack, not at all).

They glower more (if that's even possible) and step toward him, until the lovely detective comes to his rescue, calling them off. Rick breaths a huge sigh of relief as she makes introductions. "Ryan, Esposito, Richard Castle. I think a change of plans might be in order."

They talk for a few minutes, coming up with a new course of action that focuses heavily on Rick staying at the bar and out of trouble. From his new perch, he watches Detective Beckett saunter up to the man once again; he watches her whisper in the man's ear, and he can't help the sharp protectiveness that flares in his stomach; he watches the man hand her a small bag; he watches her grab the man's wrist and twist his arm, cuffing him with an agility that makes Rick's jaw drop. _Where had she been hiding those handcuffs?!_

He moves to the edge of his seat as he watches Ryan and Esposito move in on the man's two body guards, cuffing them as well. He finds himself standing as he watches another burly man dressed in black stalking toward the detectives, reaching into his jacket.

Rick rushes toward the man before he can talk himself out of it, plowing into him, calling out the first name he can think of (which just happens to be her's) under the guise of looking for a woman in the crowded club. The man growls and shoves him to the side, the gun momentarily forgotten. He kicks the man in the back of the knees and shoves hard on the back of his head, causing him to pitch forward and smack his face into a chair on the way down.

For lack of a better means of restraint, Rick leans down, taking care to remove the gun, and plops down on the guy's back, content to wait for the sexy detective to return.

Following the arrest, uniforms had begun ushering the majority of people out of the club. From within the dwindling crowd, Rick hears a terrifying sound: a combination of a roar, a screech, and a bellow, calling his name. His faces pales; he can't even bring himself to care that he's more apprehensive of the owner of that voice than the thug he's currently sitting on.

Paula, his agent, rounds on him, yelling and gesticulating wildly. She stops mid sentence when he smiles, and turns to find herself face to face with a shiny gold badge.

"Detective Beckett," she says, nodding in curt introduction. "We'll need to escort Mr. Castle down to the station so he can make a statement about the events that transpired tonight."

Paula scowls, trying her best to look intimidating, and says, "You can talk to him here, but I will not allow him to be 'escorted' anywhere."

Beckett maintains a straight, stoic face, but even Rick can see her resist the urge to roll her eyes. "With all due respect, ma'am, you have no authority over Mr. Castle, or the NYPD, for that matter. Now, please step aside so we can clear this up in the easiest manner possible."

He has to stifle a laugh at Paula's indignation; the woman actually growls as she turns to take her leave. He looks up at Beckett, no longer bothering to hide his grin, "That was so hot."

She narrows her eyes and politely demands he explain his current predicament.

He sighs and stands, telling her, without his usual dramatic flair, exactly how he ended up sitting on the unconscious man.

"You're an idiot," is all she says in response, although he thinks he sees a quick flash of something else in her eyes.

He just throws on a boyish grin and asks, "Does this mean I get to ride in a real cop car?"

This time, she doesn't bother suppressing her eye roll or her sarcastic tone, "Your enthusiasm is endearing, but can you please be serious? This is not a game."

He nods resolutely, trying not to look too much like a reprimanded child. "Of course. Serious as a sugar rush."

She shakes her head, though he's pretty sure she's trying to hide a smile as she turns quickly on her heel. He follows eagerly, without as much as a second thought.

The ride to the precinct is quiet; Rick is proud and a little surprised at the level of restraint he's been showing. He doesn't want to scare her off before he's gotten the chance to have a real conversation with her, and he definitely doesn't want to annoy her to the point that she disregards protocol and kicks him out of her car before they even get there.

So he sits quietly, taking in the details of her car and trying not to be completely obvious as observes her.

The twenty minute drive to the precinct seems much longer, and when they finally get there, he feels like a little kid. He's giddy; he's walking into a police station with a beautiful woman, and he isn't even being arrested! He can only hope that he's actually been helpful.

Detective Beckett ushers him into the chair next to her desk. He doesn't even know how long he sits there smiling, staring at the room and people around him. For the first time in months, he feels the gears of a story beginning to turn in his mind.


	2. Chapter 2

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

The man is insufferable. He's cocky and immature and annoying, but dammit, she can't help the butterflies that plague her stomach every time he smiles at her. She's struggling to maintain her calm control more than she has in years. Maybe it wouldn't be such a problem if he would stop watching her every move.

She attempts to bury her sudden shyness, walks up beside him and says, "I'm sorry for the wait, Mr. Castle. We should be able to take your statement once we've finished processing our suspects."

He smiles a bright, charming smile, and she mentally kicks herself as she feels a slight blush creep onto her cheeks. Even while she prays he doesn't notice, she knows he does.

"Not a problem, Detective. Although, I do have one favor to ask." He waits for her nod of approval before continuing, "Do you, by any chance, have a notepad or some paper you wouldn't mind parting with?"

"Uhh, yeah, of course," she stammers, groaning internally at her oh, so suave response. She rummages through a drawer in her desk, hands him a fresh legal pad, excuses herself, and hurries toward the break room as she tries not to hyperventilate. Richard freaking Castle is sitting at her desk, _writing_! She can't possibly believe it, so she wills herself not to think about it.

She honestly isn't sure she can handle being in an enclosed space with him, so she leaves Castle's statement to the boys and heads down to booking to make sure everything goes smoothly.

When returns to the homicide floor, she's surprised to see Castle still there, and chatting with Captain Montgomery, nonetheless. Her jaw drops as the Captain winks at her and Castle walks up to stand beside her.

"Can I take you for a late dinner, Detective?"

She has no idea what to say, absolutely no idea, so she opens her mouth and hopes nothing too bad comes out.

"Why, so I can be your latest conquest?" Well, alright, she didn't end up giggling and falling over herself to accept the offer, so she can deal with that.

His eyes dull, but he responds with a steady voice. "No. Because I'm hungry, and I'm sure I've eaten much more recently than you have. I just want to say thank you. Just dinner, and maybe a little conversation?"

He looks genuine, but she... Wait. Did he just say he wants to thank her? Why would he want to thank her? Why is he even still talking to her? She decides to mask her insecurity in sarcasm, because, after all, sarcasm is both easier and safer. "Would you actually leave me alone if I said 'no'?"

He smirks, "Probably not, so it'd be easier on you if you just go ahead and agree. I'll even let you pick the restaurant."

She doesn't reply for a moment, surprised at the invitation. Does his voice actually have a hopeful tone, or is that just her mind playing tricks on her? She has to have imagined it. Why would Richard Castle want anything to do with her? But he's standing there smiling at her and her stomach is fluttering; she wants to say no, but she can't seem to find the words.

He considers her, and apparently she had taken too long to reply. "Would you give me the time of day if I were just some other, normal guy?" His voice is soft, and more serious than it has been all night.

Hmm, would she? She isn't sure of the answer to that question.

"I can't just pretend you're some random guy, Mr. Castle."

"Rick, please. And you may not be able to, but can I at least pretend for tonight?" His voice is sincere, not just asking, but on the verge of pleading.

She doesn't know him and she shouldn't trust him, she should suspect that this is all just part of some plan; but, for some reason, she can't bring herself to turn him down, not when he's looking at her like that.

Her thoughts are interrupted by a loud rumble from her stomach. She startles, laughs, and then shrugs, "Oh, what the hell. But, just know, that if you try anything, I won't hesitate to kick your ass."

He lets out a breathy laugh, grinning once again. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

Is that relief she sees in his eyes? It can't be. She really needs to stop over analyzing this and just get it over with so she can go home, take a nice long bath, and get back to her every day, not quite normal, but nowhere near fabulous life.

They walk to her Crown Vic in a slightly awkward silence, well, until he breaks it, that is. "So, where are we going?"

"Hmm, the way I see it, that's for me to know and you to find out."

"Oh, a mystery, I approve."

He doesn't pester her on the ride to the restaurant; she's surprised and, oddly enough, slightly disappointed. The closer they get, the more she starts to second guess her decision. They pull into a parking space and he looks at her with a slightly bemused expression, "IHOP?"

"Well, you said you wanted normal..." she trails off, ashamed at the timid, embarrassed quality of her voice.

He laughs, a surprised, happy sound. "It is. It's so completely and utterly ordinary." She averts her eyes and wills herself not to blush. She feels his elbow nudge her in the arm. She looks up at him, relaxing a little at the soft smile directed at her. "It's perfect, thank you."

Before she can formulate a response, he's out of the car and running around to open her door, grinning widely. She lets him help her out of the car. What the hell is she doing?

He's still smiling as they step into the restaurant. "Gosh, I haven't been here since Al- I haven't been here in forever."

That was by no means a smooth cover up, and yes, she's curious, but he's ignored all her awkwardness so far, so she figures it's the least she can do to return the favor.

They sit contentedly, both still trying to understand the situation. Their waitress startles them out of their thoughts; they give their orders and then go back to staring at each other. Rick opens his mouth to speak, only to be cut off by a noise from his front pocket. He fumbles for the phone, shooting her an apologetic look as he answers.

"Hey, sweetie." He laughs. "Why do you sound surprised?" His face falls. "Oh, yeah, well... I'm actually at IHOP right now... With a, a friend?" He shoots her an odd look, eyebrows raised in both apology and question. "No, not like that!" Ah, there's the smile again. "Well thank you for thinking of me! And you're allowed to do that sometimes, you know?... Yes, I'll see you in the morning... I love you too, Alexis. Goodnight."

His smile is soft and genuine as he returns the phone to his pocket. Kate bites her lip, unable to identify the emotion causing her heart to clench. Affection? Jealousy? She can't decide which would be worse (but, probably jealousy).

"My daughter," he says quietly.

"I didn't..." she trails off, slightly startled.

"You were not asking very loudly."

She's probably blushing. Damn.

"Oh. I didn't know you have a daughter..."

"Not many people do. I've made sure to keep her out of the press. I want her to have the most normal life possible."

"Well, I bet she's great. How old is she?" Her eyes widen, staring adamantly at the syrup as she adds, "If you don't mind me asking."

"I don't. She's eleven, will be twelve in a few months. And she really is, best thing that's ever happened to me."

Kate wonders why he looks worried with this admission. She smiles, trying to lighten the mood with a joke. "Don't worry, Castle, I'm not going to stalk her and sell her soul to the paparazzi."

He laughs, relaxing again. "Thanks... I think?" He pauses, as he realizes something, "Castle?"

She blushes (_again_, she seriously needs to get this under control), she hadn't even noticed she'd said it. "Uhh, habit from the job. Sorry."

The grin he flashes her could rival a small child's. "Awesome!"

Another silence falls over them, each one becoming less uncomfortable than the previous. A few minutes later, the waitress, Carrie, brings them their food. Three bites into her blueberry pancakes, Kate speaks up.

"Why are you doing this?" Well, that was forward. Great.

He sighs, staring adamantly at his eggs while he formulates his answer. He raises his gaze to meet hers, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Because I'm bored. Because you're smart and interesting and real. Because we're having an actual conversation. Because you don't seem to want anything from me. Because you know I have a daughter, and you asked how old she is."

He thinks she's interesting? He's talking to her because he thinks she's smart and because she asked a simple question about his daughter? Well, that's new.

Apparently, her face belies her confession, because he asks, "Did I just stick my foot in my mouth?" He looks almost disappointed.

"Uhh, no. I... I just don't know what to think about that, honestly," she finally manages to stammer out.

"Understandable. Can we try this again?"

She barely registers her head nodding through her confusion.

He extends his hand for the second time. "Hello, my names Rick. May I just say, you look stunning tonight. Would you like to be my friend?"

She's still slightly shell shocked, but she can't help smiling at the innocent and childlike tone of his voice. Stunning? Is he being serious? She studiously ignores the last part of his statement because she has no idea what he's getting at, and takes his hand.

"Kate Beckett. Nice to meet you..."

"I promise I'm not playing some kind of game. You have no reason to trust me, and you're a cop, so I understand your hesitation. All I want is one night with no paparazzi and no fans, and maybe even a real friend. I know it sounds like I'm using you, but would it be too forward to say I've really enjoyed your company tonight?"

He's rambling by the end; she's oddly touched.


	3. Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

It's been three days since she had pancakes with Richard Castle and she has yet to hear from him. Really, she shouldn't be surprised; he is rich and famous, after all, and she's, well, a cop (because that explains all her baggage _so well_…).

She doesn't even know why she cares; it's not like she's looking for a relationship. So what does it matter that after only a few hours with him, she was laughing more easily than she had in years? He had said he wanted a friend for the night, so she really shouldn't have expected it to be anything more. And she really, really shouldn't care. So why does she?

Kate is in the process of berating herself for feeling even slightly disappointed when she hears her number called; she walks to the counter to retrieve her order, glad for the distraction. Shaking her head, she fills her glass and turns to find a seat, her lunch balanced precariously in front of her, only to collide with a head full of long, red hair.

Kate stands there, gaping and in shock, as she tries to regain her bearings, both her shirt and burger dripping water. It takes her a moment to realize that the young girl she had run into is apologizing profusely with a trembling voice and watery blue eyes that look shockingly similar to Cas- _no, Kate, now is definitely _not _the time_.

She tries to comfort the girl, to no avail; she feels her face heat up in embarrassment as she hears a man's voice approaching, "Hey, is everything alright over here?"

She looks up to assure the man that yes, everything is fine, but she doesn't get quite that far. Her eyes are huge as she finds herself, yet again, standing in front of Richard Castle, this time with a soaked white blouse and a blush that could rival a sunburned lobster.

"Beckett?"

Kate immediately averts her gaze, suddenly very aware of her current predicament; as her eyes land on the girl now tightly gripping the author's jacket, it clicks.

"You must be Alexis." The girl nods quickly, before apologizing yet again and taking off for the restroom.

She awkwardly refuses to meet his eyes, until he feels his hand on her arm and his voice softly questioning, "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. No big deal," she stammers. "Uhh, not to be rude, but what are you doing here?"

Now it's Castle's turn to look at his shoes. "I'm sorry I haven't called, I've been writing a lot the past few days. Like, a lot, a lot; like almost nonstop. Alexis finally dragged me out of the loft and I'd never been to a cop bar and I wanted to make sure I got the details right… So here we are."

She feels her eyebrows come together on their own accord. What could he possibly be writing that necessitates a visit to a cop bar? He quickly interrupts her stream of thoughts once again- apparently she had stared at him, confused, for too long.

"Would you like to join us for dinner?"

She can't bring herself to look at him, so she glances toward the restrooms, where his daughter had disappeared to. "I'm not sure Alexis would like that."

"She's just shy." His laugh sounds a little forced. "Just give her a chance… Please?"

Kate can tell there's more going on here than just a shy, embarrassed preteen; _but this isn't your place_, she reminds herself. Instead of questioning him about it, she accepts his offer, on the condition that his daughter is okay with her joining them.

By the time Alexis finally emerges from the restroom, Castle had managed to find them a table, order her a new (dry) burger, and pawn off his jacket on her to cover the giant wet spot on her shirt. Kate forces herself to ignore the fact that the girl had obviously been crying, in an attempt to save her from further embarrassment.

Castle asks his daughter if Kate can join them for lunch, and receives a mumbled response- apparently in the affirmative, as he turns to her with a hopeful grin and introduces them for real.

* * *

Richard Castle is having a moment; he's laughing, smiling, watching his daughter and Kate interact, and, overall, pretty much glowing.

Kate is talking to Alexis, asking her about school and her favorite subjects and her hobbies; and, although it took a few minutes, Alexis is actually answering, in multiple sentences, even! He can't think of a time in the past few years when he's been happier.

Alexis has always been shy, but it's gotten drastically worse the past few years- no small thanks to her flaky, unreliable mother and his recent, messy divorce from Gina. It's especially bad around adult women, and it breaks his heart that he's given his beautiful, brilliant, wonderful little girl these insecurities.

He's shaken quickly from his thoughts with a nudge and pointed glance from his daughter. He looks up at Kate, who's biting back a slight smile.

"I, uh, I'm sorry. I was thinking. What did you say?"

Kate shakes her head, still trying to hide her amusement. "I said: Thank you for dinner, Castle. I've had a good time, but I've got a herd of dancing circus pigs in my apartment that needs to be fed."

He stares at her blankly, trying to process that statement. "Really?"

Kate and Alexis both laugh, a harmonious ringing that is music to his overly sentimental ears.

"No," she says, still laughing. "I won a bet with Ryan and Esposito for an extended break, but I need to get back. Duty calls."

"You have a case?"

"Not at the moment."

He nods, knowing and sympathetic. "Ah, well then, I hope you enjoy your paperwork, Detective." She rolls her eyes. "I'll call you?"

She smiles shyly at this, looking down, and mumbles something that sounds vaguely like 'If you want to.' She then nods farewell to Alexis and turns quickly toward the exit.

Alexis glances down at the table and laughs; Rick follows her gaze to the ten dollar bill Kate had left neatly folded next to his plate.

He scoffs, "As if, Detective Beckett. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let you pay for the same meal twice in one day?" He's still thinking of all the creative ways he can sneak the money back to Kate when he feels a tug on his sleeve.

"Do you like her, dad?"

He looks deeply into his daughter's eyes and asks her, seriously, "You know you'll always come first, right? You can and _should_ tell me how you feel, sweetie."

"She seems nice," Alexis admits quietly.

Rick smiles and hugs his daughter. "I'm really glad you think so, Pumpkin. And yes, I do like her. I think we could be really good friends."


	4. Chapter 4

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

He wanders off as the uniformed officer behind the lobby desk rings for Beckett. He's not entirely sure he wants to hear that conversation, plus, casually reading the newspaper articles important enough to be pinned to the precinct's bulletin board is much more manly than standing there awkwardly twiddling his thumbs, right?

"Castle. What are you doing here?"

He jumps when he hears her voice, even though he knew (well, had hoped) she was coming. Smooth. But then her lips quirk and he thinks she's trying to hide a smile, so he can't be too put off.

"Kate, hey. I, uhh, well… You still have my jacket," he finally manages to say.

She raises an eyebrow at him. "And you had to come all the way down here to tell me that?"

He quickly averts his eyes. "Well, you see, I was in the neighborhood and I thought it could be fun and then the next think I knew I was outside so I came in and I also kind of wanted to ask if you would like to come to my loft for dinner tonight?"

He can see her working to decipher his rapidly mumbled statement, and he can see the moment when it fully registers in her mind.

"Uhh… Maybe I should have said something before but it never really came up, and well, actually… I have a boyfriend."

She looks highly uncomfortable, so he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind, "Good. Wait, no… That didn't come out right. I mean, I'm glad you have a boyfriend, but that's not what I meant." He takes a breath in an attempt to gather his thoughts.

It's too soon, right? Too soon after his divorce. Too soon to be thinking about a relationship, especially with a woman he's known for less than a week. Plus, he has his daughter to think about. Definitely too soon, but that doesn't mean they can't be friends.

"That isn't what I was getting at, just dinner between friends. Well, there is actually something I wanted to ask you, but still just a friendly meal."

When she fixes him with an intent, thoughtful look, he quickly backpedals to give her an out. He begins to feel squirmy under her continued surveillance, but eventually, with a sigh, she relents. "Okay, Castle. Unless we get a case, I'll get off at six; if a body drops, well, I don't know-"

He cuts her off, "You can come over whenever, but you really don't have to if you don't want to."

"How about this: you give me your number and I'll call you at 5:30 and we'll see what's going on?"

"Yeah, sure, that sounds good! Good idea!" He grins and shoots her a thumbs-up; even though it earns him a laugh, he can't help feeling utterly embarrassed at his complete lack of anything even slightly resembling charm. What is it about this woman that brings out the awkward in him?

* * *

She can hear her dad and Detective Beckett talking as he opens the door. She sighs. She isn't really in the mood for company, but her dad had sounded so excited when he told her, and, really, the detective isn't so bad. She sighs again and stands, molding her face into a well practiced expression of passive interest.

Before she can greet their guest, she hears the phone ringing from the office and her dad is rushing off, apologizing and saying he'll be right back. Alexis is left staring awkwardly at the woman, who, from across the room, is staring right back. Wonderful. At least she looks like she feels about as nervous as Alexis.

"Hi, Detective Beckett. How are you this evening?"

"Please, call me Kate. Well, I mean, if you want to. I'm doing alright, how are you?"

_Call her Kate? _She blinks at that a few times, before remembering she needs to answer the question. "I'm pretty good, thank you for asking."

There's another awkward silence and some more awkward staring, during which Alexis tries to think of something appropriate to say. _Kate_ beats her to it.

"I like your glasses, Alexis."

She straightens them self-consciously before speaking, "Thanks, I just got them."

The detective offers a small smile, "They look really nice."

Alexis blushes at the compliment, it had sounded sincere. She even smiles a little before asking Kate if she would like a drink, an offer which the detective politely declines. Even so, by the time her dad comes back, the room feels less awkward. She almost thinks he would be proud of her, until she sees his shifty eyes and nervous expression; she knows that face.

"What's wrong, Dad?"

He looks between the them apologetically, "That was my very, very angry publisher on the phone, demanding that I come talk to her right now. I tried, but I don't really see a way out of this one. I'm sorry."

Oh, Gina. Gina is angry at her dad a lot, but this feels different. He called her his publisher so that means it's probably about work, and if he can't get out of it then it's probably important. _Great_. She really, really, really does not want to spend the night listening to her ex-stepmother yell at her dad; she had done that enough times already. She sighs, now an awkward dinner with her dad's detective friend sounds like it would have been a peachy way to spend her evening.

She looks up at her dad with resigned, questioning eyes. He steps towards her and gives her a big hug. "I'm sorry, Pumpkin. I know you don't want to go, but your Gram's still out of town."

She's trying really, really hard not to cry. Eleven is too old to be crying over something like this. She takes another deep breath and steps out of her father's embrace. "It's okay, Daddy, it's not your fault. I'll go get my shoes."

As she's walking up the stairs, Alexis can hear her dad apologizing to Kate; as she's walking back down, she can hear him saying thank you. Hmm, that's weird. She'll have to remember to ask him about that, if he isn't in too bad of a mood after his meeting with Gina. She hopes it doesn't take too long, because the homemade pizza they were going to make sounds like a really good dinner.

Her thoughts are interrupted by her father, who meets her at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hey," he said, with his quiet comforting voice, "Kate said she would stay here with you, so you don't have to come to the meeting. Would you be okay with that?"

Wow. She was definitely not expecting that. She can't do that though, right? Even if Kate offered, it doesn't feel like the kind of offer she's supposed to accept.

Her voice is too quiet when she answers, it gives her away. "That was really nice of her to offer, but-"

Her dad stops her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Alexis. Do you want to stay here?"

She nods shyly, feeling guilty.

"Then stay, Sweetie; I promise it's okay. Kate wouldn't have offered to stay if she didn't want to."

Alexis isn't too sure about that, but she doesn't want to argue because, either way, it was really nice of Kate.

Her dad hugs her and starts walking them back to the living room. He leans down to kiss her forehead, like he does every night before bed, and then heads for the door, thanking Kate again and promising to escape as soon as he can. She tells him not to worry about it.

The awkwardness is back in full force the moment the door clicks shut. Alexis thinks back on all the advice her mother and Gina have given her on how to act around adults and how to be a good host. She offers Kate a seat and full reign over the television, then moves quickly back toward the stairs. She stops when she hears Kate's voice.

"Alexis, you don't have to leave."

She can practically feel her cheeks turning red. "I don't want to get in the way."

"It's your house and your living room, you have the right to be here. You won't be in the way."

Alexis is not convinced, seeing as her mother and Gina seemed to think she was always in the way, but she doesn't want to be contradictory. Instead, she simply asks, "Are you sure?"

"Of course I'm sure, the company would be nice."

Alexis feels her mouth fall open, but she's too surprised to really do much about it. Her mind is jumping all over the place; she has to make a conscious effort not to draw conclusions from that one little statement. In all likelihood, the detective had simply meant she didn't want to spend the next few hours sitting alone in a strange place- that would be terribly awkward for anyone, Alexis supposes.

She's frantically trying to think of something acceptable to do until her dad gets home, when Kate speaks up again.

"Do you want to show me how to play that Guitar Hero game your dad claims to be so good at?"

Alexis smiles shyly and reaches for the TV remote, giggling as the detective shoots her a conspiratorial wink. Maybe this night won't be so bad after all.

* * *

_A/N: For some reason, this chapter was really awkward to write; although, it's kind of supposed to be awkward, so I guess that's alright...  
_


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Richard Castle arrives home to a sight that makes him smile: his daughter and Kate sitting on the sofa, both with painted nails and braided hair, watching a movie. Kate's braid is lopsided and partially falling out; Alexis isn't the most adept at styling hair just yet (lack of proper practice subjects, and all), so he's touched that she kept it in. As he steps into the living room, he sees the Guitar Hero game and catches a whiff of the pizza cooking. His smile grows to a level of damn near uncontrollable.

Rick laughs to himself as he watches his daughter's head bobbing in time to the music, but he can't help wondering how she had gotten Kate to agree to this movie. Alexis had fallen in love with _Phantom of the Opera_ the first time she had seen it, and Rick has to admit, he liked the movie- up until about the fiftieth time he'd seen it.

On closer inspection, Kate is also swaying along, but just barely. She actually looks pretty caught up in the movie. Hmm, he's pleasantly surprised.

Alexis startles when the timer on the oven goes off, but he just smiles and tells her he'll take care of it. She jumps off the couch and runs to give him a hug before going back to her movie. He doesn't know what that was for, but he's not complaining. Kate looks back at him, but he gestures for her to stay put as well.

Rick sets the pizza on the cooling rack and goes about preparing three plates. It's a little late for dinner now, but he's glad they waited for him. He can tell from the music that the second act is just beginning, but he decides to let Alexis eat in the living room and stay up to finish the movie. He hasn't seen her so carefree around anyone else in quite a while, and it's worth a few broken rules.

He sets the plates on the coffee table and laughs as both girls feel around for their dinner; Kate even sticks her hand in the pizza at one point, but her eyes never leave the screen. They eat in comfortable silence, and after a few minutes of watching Kate watch the movie, he's pretty sure she's never seen it before.

* * *

That was such a good movie. Kate had been skeptical when Alexis suggested it, but it was so good. They won't let her help clean up, so she's just sitting on the couch, lost in thought.

She's surprised when she feels a tap on her shoulder, but she smiles when she turns to find Alexis standing a few steps behind her.

"Did you like the movie?"

Kate nods, "I did, it was really good. Thanks for convincing me to watch it!"

Alexis looks away and shuffles her feet. "You're welcome, I'm glad you liked it. And, uhh, thank you for staying with me."

She turns to fully face the girl, trying to convey her sincerity through her eyes, since her voice usually fails her. "It was no problem, Alexis. I had a good time."

Kate watches as Castle tells Alexis goodnight, and, to her utter dismay, feels a pang of longing. She hadn't realized how much she misses her dad, her family, until she had seen the tender interaction between her two new friends. The realization is almost overwhelming, and she finds herself fighting back tears.

She stands- trying to bow out gracefully before she gets drawn deeper into her loss- but Castle stops her, telling her he'll be right back. She sighs but sits back down, taking deep breaths to calm her nerves.

He returns from his office with something in his hands, but she can't tell what it is from her current vantage point. He sits, takes a deep breath of his own, and asks her if she's read any of his books.

Kate can feel her cheeks heating up as she answers in the affirmative.

"Okay, well that's what my meeting today was about. Well, obviously… I just finished the final draft of my new book and sent it to my publisher yesterday morning, and well, she was not happy when she read it."

Kate cocks her head to the side. She has no idea where this conversation is going; it's unsettling. The fact that he looks nervous doesn't help.

Another deep breath, "Gina was pissed that I killed off Derrick Storm."

"_What_? You _killed _Derrick Storm? Why?"

She can't even bring herself to care that she's sputtering. Over the years, Derrick Storm had become a role model of sorts, a father figure when she had so desperately needed one. She doesn't want to believe that it's coming to an end, doesn't know if she can handle reading his death. Why would Castle do that?

He's looking at her with something akin to regret in his eyes; it makes her wonder if she's maybe overreacting a bit, but she can't really help it. He blinks a few times, then looks away from her before answering.

"My heart just wasn't in it anymore. I felt like it had become more about profit for Black Pawn and making Gina happy than about the story. That's not why I write. And, I mean, I get that people are still reading and enjoying the books, but I wasn't enjoying writing them because it wasn't really for the right reasons."

Kate takes a moment to tether her emotions, but her voice is colder than she intended when she finally speaks. "Why are you telling me this?"  
Instead of speaking, he hands her whatever it was he had gotten from the office. Her heart rate picks up as she realizes it's the notepad she had given him. She flips through it, gaping; it's filled with timelines and outlines and scrawled sentences. She looks at him with surprise written all over her face, hoping he'll elaborate.

Castle takes the legal pad from her slack hands, flipping through it as he speaks. "I found a new character, but I wanted to see what you thought about it before I start anything."

Why would he want her opinion about his new character? He hands the notepad back to her and she reads. _Oh._ This new character is a police detective, a smart and savvy woman, caught in a situation that seems oddly familiar. She doesn't understand.

"Are, uhh, would you be okay with this?"

Her mind is spinning, flailing, trying to grasp onto any sliver of comprehension. Why would he want to do this? Is it really even what she thinks it is? What does it mean? She has no idea what to say, but he's waiting for an answer.

Well, maybe not so much anymore, maybe her silence was answer enough, because he starts rambling. "I know you're kind of a private person so you may not really like the idea, plus with your job… No one would have to know she's based on you if you don't want them to. I also won't write her if you are really against it, but I really kind of like her a lot already and I have so many ideas…"

Well, that answers _that _question. She can't wrap her mind around it. She doesn't understand why he would want to do this, so she asks.

"Because, Kate, that night was the most fun I've had in years. I mean, maybe fun isn't really the right word, but I really enjoyed watching and helping. It made me realize," he pauses, looking at his clasped hands, "it made me realize what a difference cops really do make- much more tangible than a retired PI working with the CIA ever could. And I just, I guess I want to show that to people too."

He had really thought this through. She's in a bit of a state of shock.

"I was thinking, well, maybe, if it's okay with you and whomever else it needs to be okay with, that I could come up to the precinct and shadow you for a few cases to kind of get a feel for things?"

"No." It's the first definite, clear thought she's had since he brought this up. His face falls and she feels the need to explain, to make him understand. "It's too dangerous, Castle. You have Alexis to think about, and I can't be the reason she loses you. I can't, Castle, and you don't have the training and I can't promise that something won't happen to you in the field because I don't even know that something won't happen to me-"

He cuts her off, "Whoa, hey, it's okay. I googled civilian police consultations, and I think we could work something out. I would stay safe and listen to you, and you could reserve the right to send me home when you feel that the situation is too dangerous. I trust you, Kate."

What does she even say to that? He trusts her after such a short time? Well, she supposes that she must trust him too, at least a little, or she wouldn't still be here.

"I don't like this, Castle."

Though he does a valiant job trying to hide it, Kate can see his eyes light up. "But you're not saying no?"

She sighs, "I'm saying I don't like it, but it's ultimately not my decision. If you can get the Captain to agree to it, then I don't have much of a choice."

He smiles at her, sincerely assuring her that he will listen to her and that he doesn't want to make her job any more difficult. She's not entirely convinced, but he seems to have his heart set on it. She hopes the Captain can talk some sense into him.

Her phone buzzes as she's unlocking the door to her apartment. She pulls it out, sees it's a text from Castle: _I can't believe I didn't say this before, but thank you, really. -RC_

What is she getting herself into? She sighs as she walks toward her bedroom; there is so much that could potentially go wrong here, but she can worry tomorrow. Tonight, the only thought crossing her mind as she falls into bed is that Richard Castle, her absolute favorite author, is basing a character off of her. _Wow_.


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: I felt like I had sort of written myself into a hole, with Kate's character at least, so I hope this does something to fix that...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Rick hangs up with Captain Montgomery with a smile on his face. He had called on Wednesday morning, but there had been a case; the Captain had told him he would look into it as soon as he had a chance. He had gotten the chance this morning, and Rick is now (almost) an official police consultant.

He knows Kate (Beckett? He's not sure what to call her now…) doesn't like the idea, but, personally, he is ecstatic. This is just what he needs. He's determined to prove to her that this can be a good thing. He's going to have his work cut out for him, but, first, he needs to share his big news with Alexis; hopefully she's excited for him.

As if on cue, he hears the lock in the front door turn. He smiles again, his daughter has always had impeccable timing. He rolls of the couch and presses his body flat to the floor as the door swings open, grateful there was no thud to give away his super lame hiding place.

He watches her feet through the small space underneath the sofa, jumps up just as she's walking past. "Boo!"

Alexis squeaks and drops her book bag. "Dad! You scared me!"

She's giving him her patented reprimanding-daughter look, but he's not going to apologize; he's laughing too hard. He wraps his arms around her slender frame in proper greeting.

"Did you have a good day at school, learning?" He scrunches his face, trying to appear repulsed at the idea.

She giggles. "I did. Did you have a good day at home, doing absolutely nothing?"

"Daughter! I am appalled!"

"Father! You know it's true."

"Actually," he boasts, "it's not."

She looks at him, feigning shock. "You emulated a productive member of society today? I'm so proud of you! What did you do?"

He grins and pulls Alexis in for another hug; he loves his little girl.

"I talked to Captain Montgomery-"  
Before he can continue, Alexis looks up at him, cocking her head slightly. It takes him a moment to realize why she's confused.

"Oh, Roy- Captain Roy Montgomery." She nods in recognition, smiling. "Anyway, I talked him into letting me consult with the department and shadow Detective Beckett for a while. Research for the new book, and all that jazz."

"You know what this means, don't you?" His daughter is looking at him with wide, serious eyes. He shakes his head; she runs off before he can ask her what it means. Well damn, that doesn't seem much like excitement to him.

He's halfway up the stairs when something hits him in the chest with a thud. He fumbles to catch the object, grinning when he realizes what it is. Alexis pokes her head around the corner, decked out in full laser tag gear.

"You're going to need practice if you'll be working with the police. I bet Kate would never lose to an eleven year old."

* * *

Kate sighs heavily as she hangs up the phone. She had forgotten that Castle is (apparently) friends with the Captain; she'll have to ask him about that sometime, if she remembers.

It's official: she now has a shadow, another responsibility, for the time being. Another thing she has to keep track of. _Fantastic_.

She can't be too upset though, because, if their three meals together are any indication, Castle may be able to make her job a little more enjoyable. She just hopes she doesn't break him, destroy his inner light, as she has in the past.

She tosses her phone onto the coffee table and flops down on the sofa, causing her boyfriend to look away from the movie they had been watching. She doesn't really want to explain, but she knows he's about to ask and she knows she needs to tell him.

She reaches for her container of Chinese takeout, trying to give herself a few more seconds to gather her thoughts.

"I now have a shadow at work, for the foreseeable future."

Will narrows his eyes at her, confusion wrinkling his brow. "I can't tell if that's a good or a bad thing."

"Yeah, well, neither can I."

"How did this even happen?"

It had been exactly one week since Kate had met Castle and she doesn't really want to share that with anyone just yet, not even her boyfriend. Mainly because she still doesn't know what to make of it, herself.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time, and I think I have a right to know."

Kate bristles. She absolutely can't stand it when people think they have a right to her private life. Eight months of a casual relationship don't automatically make Will privy to everything, not in her mind at least.

She's frustrated, but at the same time, she doesn't want to start a fight. He deserves to know at least the basic details. And how can she hope for more from this (or any) relationship if she can't learn to share?

"Well. Basically, I met Richard Castle on a case- more like, he accidentally walked in on a case. A few days later, I ran into him and his daughter at Remy's and we had lunch. He showed up at the precinct on Wednesday and invited me to dinner, saying he had a proposition. I told him I wasn't comfortable with the idea, but it really wasn't up to me, so if he could convince the Captain, then I wouldn't really have a choice."

Will doesn't need to know about pancakes or babysitting Alexis; she had shared more than she was comfortable with already, and those are memories she'd like to keep for herself, at least for a little while.

He keeps looking at her, conflicted, as if he doesn't know what to do with the information. It sets her on edge.

"I guess I can't really be upset with you for not telling me sooner," he begins.

Why would he be? Once again, a relationship does not diminish her right (or need) for privacy. Perhaps they are not quite on the same page here; she can foresee a serious relationship conversation in the future- their first of those. She sighs.

"I haven't been completely forthcoming either." Her heart sinks as he continues, "I put in for a transfer this morning."

She struggles to keep her face and voice free of emotion as she speaks. "A transfer." Despite her efforts, it comes out flat, and not quite a question.

"Yeah, to Boston. I won't know for a few weeks if I've been selected, but it would be great for my career. I'd be next in line for a promotion." He pauses, considering her. "Why do you look upset?"

Apparently her expression hadn't been as neutral as she'd thought.

"You really can't figure that out for yourself?" He stares at her blankly, eyebrows raised. "You just compared a chance meeting and something that was out of my hands to applying for a transfer. That takes time and forethought. Tell me, did this relationship even cross your mind?"

"I thought maybe you would come with me."

Her mouth falls open. How can he just expect her to drop everything and run off to Boston? She has other people to think about: her father, her team, her Captain, Castle and Alexis- well, they made it onto the list of important people in her life a little more quickly than she'd like, but that doesn't make it any less true.

"You can't expect me to just walk away from my life, Will."

"What do you have keeping you here, well, besides your mother's murder?"

Her heart stops. She had purposely not told him about her mother. Her _mother's murder_, and he throws it out there flippantly, like it means nothing, like she should be over it by now. Her blood is running cold.

"How do you know about that?"

"I could tell there was something you weren't telling me, so I looked it up."

"You looked it up," she says flatly. She narrows her eyes. "Get out."

"Kate…"

"Get out, Will. We'll talk later, but seriously, leave."

He does.

She's too busy trying not to fall apart to care that he went without a fight.


	7. Chapter 7

_A/N: I've had the idea for this chapter in mind for a while now, but I'm not sure how I feel about the actual product...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Castle had been following her for little over a month, and, although Kate is hesitant to admit it, he is actually doing a pretty good job. The first few days were rough, but once he caught on to what was and wasn't appropriate, having him around became almost enjoyable.

This week, though, he is off on a short publicity tour for _Storm Fall_. Kate is infinitely grateful that he hadn't been there. She knows this case would have destroyed him, if the effect it had on her is any indication.

_She had a sinking feeling that this case would be a bad one before she had even seen the crime scene. It had been her first on-call Saturday in a while; she and Will had been on rocky terms this last month, but had been trying to work past their argument since he had not been given the transfer. They had gone out the night before and had been up late; the call came in at approximately 5:27 AM. _

_ When she arrived at the scene, her suspicions were confirmed. The victim was a thirteen year old girl, Charlotte Mason. She had been sexually assaulted and brutally strangled. Murder is always terrible, but children make it so, so much worse. She hated to relegate this girl to a box in the back of her mind, but she knew the only way she was going to solve this case was through compartmentalization._

_ The victim had been found by her father, who says he had gone to check on his daughter because something had woken him, though he couldn't remember what it was. The man seemed appropriately distraught, at the least; his reaction had seemed a little too controlled and his distress lacked a subtle air of authenticity, but Kate brushed it off as a coping mechanism._

_ The team had searched the apartment, looking for clues, but the killer had been careful; there was no sign of forced entry and nothing looked particularly out of place. There was not even a trace of foreign DNA on the victim's body or on the girl's bed sheets. They had hit a dead end that had lasted days. _

_ Tuesday afternoon, Kate got a call. Another young girl was asking about their victim, saying she might know something. Kate went down to meet the girl and was immediately taken aback by her long red hair, tied back in a French braid, and her bright blue eyes; Kate wasn't sure she would be able to compartmentalize this case for much longer, at the rate it was going._

_ Caroline Maier was Charlotte's best friend, she said she had known something terrible had happened when Charlotte had missed two days of school. She told Kate how Charlotte's mother had run off with another man two years ago; the divorce had been finalized last year and Charlotte's father had ended up with sole custody simply because her mother hadn't wanted it. Around the same time, Caroline's own father had been killed in a car accident and Mr. Mason had taken her under his wing, acting as a father figure to her._

_ Caroline began to shake as she told Kate about spending the night with Charlotte last Friday night. She had woken up in the middle of the night to Mr. Mason touching her. Charlotte woke up when Caroline started crying. Charlotte had stood up for her friend, saying, "It's one thing to do this to me, but you leave her alone."Mr. Mason had called Caroline's parents, saying she had had a nightmare and wanted to come home, and then threatened to kill her and her family if she mentioned what had just happened to anyone._

_ Kate assigned a protective detail to the girl's apartment for the night, just in case. She promised she would keep them safe and then gave the girl her card, telling her to call if she ever needed _anything_. Kate hugged the crying girl, waiting with her until her parents arrived to pick her up; they were outraged, shocked, and appalled at the whole thing. Kate was too._

_ Seemingly unimportant or unrelated pieces of evidence subsequently started falling together; the lack of forced entry and the fact that the only other DNA found in the girl's room was her father's now made complete sense. Kate knew there was no way Caroline was lying, but she had no problem believing that the father's grief had been nothing more than an act._

_ They had arrested Charles Mason, charging him with child molestation and murder. He broke pretty quickly under the pressure. Ryan and Esposito had had to do the interrogation; Kate couldn't. _

Anxiety had been building throughout the whole case, but, as soon as Caroline Maier had walked in and told her story, Kate had been on the verge of a breakdown. She knows all the girl wants to do is forget, but will probably never be able to get over her guilt- her best friend had been killed standing up for her. It's hard to convince yourself that isn't you fault. Not being able to help the living victims, such as Caroline, for Kate, is one of the worst feelings in the world.

She had been able to maintain a tight control as she completed and filed the paperwork but, as she walks to her car, she can feel herself beginning to break. She finally allows the sobs to wrack her body as she sits in her locked car, in the dark precinct parking garage. She hasn't felt this helpless in years.

With tears still streaming down her face, she starts the car. She needs to get away from the precinct and this case. She drives. When her car comes to a stop outside of Castle's building, she doesn't even bother to fight her anxious relief.

She jumps from the car, runs inside, runs up the stairs to the top floor, and rings the doorbell. Her heart is pounding and she can no longer suppress the panic rising within her chest.

An older woman, also with a head full of red hair, opens the door. "Can I help you?"

Kate stares at the woman blankly. _Castle's mother_, her mind finally supplies. "I, uhh, is Alexis here?" She doesn't even care that her words come out a jumbled mess.

The woman cocks her head at Kate. "Who are you?"

"Detective Kate Beckett." Her official title comes out with practiced ease; she extends a trembling hand for good measure.

"Ahh, the infamous Detective Beckett, it's nice to finally meet you. Martha Rodgers," she shakes Kate's hand as she introduces herself, before turning her head toward the kitchen and calling for Alexis.

Kate's breath catches as Alexis pokes her head around the corner, wearing an apron with a wooden spoon in hand.

"Kate, what are you doing here? My dad isn't here right now. You should know that."

Kate swallows past the lump in her throat, her voice cracking as she speaks. "I know. Alexis…"

The girl must see the tears in her eyes or hear the unspoken tears in her voice, because, before she knows it, Kate is being embraced by two small, gangly arms. Alexis looks up, her young face full of concern.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be," Kate chokes out. She wraps her arms firmly around the girl. "This helps."

Alexis buries her face into Kate's jacket. "Helps me too," she mumbles almost inaudibly.


	8. Chapter 8

_A/N: Alas, school has officially started up again, so I can't really guarantee any sort of consistency with updates for the time being. In a perfect world, I would have no homework and it wouldn't even be a problem...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

"Would you like to stay for dinner?" Alexis asks as she pulls back from Kate's embrace.

She really hopes the older woman says yes. Her dad always tells her she makes him feel better; maybe she can make Kate feel better too. That would be good, to be helpful instead of in the way. Yeah, that would be really good.

Kate looks down at Alexis with a confused looking face. "I don't know, Alexis."

"Oh." Man, that was not the answer Alexis had been hoping for. She really probably shouldn't have asked. It was probably not appropriate, but Kate had come to their house and she had looked so sad and she had wanted a hug and Alexis had just assumed- no, what had Gina told her about assuming things? _That it was a problem_. She tries not to sound disappointed as she attempts to give Kate an out (that's what dad had called it, right?), "Well, there's enough food. I made macaroni and cheese. But if you really don't want to, well, I understand."

Kate is still looking at her all confused and sad. Alexis hopes she hadn't made Kate even sadder, that would be very bad. All she wanted to do was help. She can feel tears start to gather in her eyes, which makes her want to cry even more because she's embarrassed, but she isn't going to cry and she isn't going to run away and hide- at least, not until Kate leaves.

"Whoa, okay, I'll stay if you really want me to, but only if your grandmother doesn't mind."

Alexis looks up at the sound of Kate's voice. She doesn't feel quite so much like crying anymore. "Really? Okay! Where did Gram go, anyway? Let me go find her, I'll be right back!"

She zooms around the corner, sliding on the wood floors to get to Gram faster. Alexis finds her in the kitchen, fixing two plates.

"Gram, Gram! I invited Kate to stay for dinner, but she said only if it's okay with you. Is it okay? I mean, is it okay if she stays and is it okay that I invited her? I wasn't sure if it was but she said yes if you said it was okay-"

"Breathe, darling," Gram cuts her off. "In this instance, it's alright that you asked and it's alright with me if she wants to stay. If you're confused about when to ask, we can talk about it later, okay?"

Alexis lets out a big sigh of relief. "Yeah, yeah, that sounds good! Thanks, Gram!" She gives Gram a big hug, bouncing on her toes the whole time because she wants to tell Kate it's okay to stay for dinner. She thinks maybe she shouldn't be this excited, but she can't really come up with a good reason why.

She runs back to the living room to find Kate switching her weight between her two feet. Alexis only does that when she's nervous; she doesn't want Kate to feel nervous. She grabs Kate's hand, because it always helps when her dad does that. It doesn't last long, though: she drops Kate's hand when she feels the woman tense up.

Alexis jumps back. "I'm sorry, I just wanted to help," she says in her quietest, most remorseful voice. She should not have assumed, once again. If Gina could see her, Alexis would definitely be in for a lecture. She blushes and looks down, hoping to hide her red cheeks behind her red hair.

"No, it's okay, Alexis. You just surprised me a little."

Alexis looks up at Kate, surprised too. "Are you sure? My mom and Gina always told me to just leave people alone, but I guess I've never been very good at that."

Kate's eyes look sad again, but before Alexis can wonder what she had said wrong, she feels the older woman's hand enveloping her own. Alexis feels her eyes widening as Kate speaks.

"That may be true, Alexis, but sometimes when people say they want to be left alone, they don't mean it at all. I think you're great at helping. Don't let anyone discourage you from doing what you know is right."

That was the nicest thing anyone besides her dad has said to her that she can remember. She doesn't even mind the tears this time, she just smiles shyly at the detective. "Thanks, Kate."

Kate smiles back, looking a little shy herself. "Thank you too, Alexis. Shall we go join your grandmother?"

Alexis nods and heads for the kitchen, still holding onto Kate's hand. "Yeah, that sounds good."

* * *

Kate's phone rings as she's finally climbing into bed; she's already practically half asleep. She sighs as she reaches for the device, crossing her fingers that it's not another body. It isn't.

"Beckett."

"_What happened?_"

She blinks a few times, trying to rid her mind of fluffy sheep begging to be counted. "What are you talking about, Castle? Nothing happened."

"_Kate. My daughter and mother both called me to tell me that you came over for dinner, so don't try to tell me nothing happened._"

Oh, that. Kate drops her head to her hands; she's really not sure how to explain the whole situation to Castle. She finally settles on a simple, vague response, "Rough case."

"_Do you want to talk about it?_"

"Not really. I'm glad you weren't there, Castle."

There's silence on the other end and, for a moment, Kate wonders whether he's still there. Her face flushes when he speaks again.

"_Thank you for caring about my daughter, Kate. She looks up to you, you know._"

"Wait, what? I've only known her for a month… Why would she look up to me?" She's probably sputtering, but she's really too tired to tell.

"_She doesn't really have many strong female influences in her life, aside from my mother- if you can even count her as one. Plus, you're nice to her, Kate, you take an interest in her. That's more than I can say about her own mother._"

Kate's eyes widen with understanding at this information. _What is she doing? _She can't be a role model to this sweet, innocent little girl. She would be a terrible role model, living within the confines of her mother's murder. She feels a sudden (and, quite frankly, shocking) urge to make sure Castle knows what he's getting himself into. Apparently, her filter is currently out of commission.

"Castle, I don't think I'm the best person to be a role model for you daughter."

"_Not to be rude, but that isn't really up to you._"

She doesn't understand it, but the words spill from her mouth before she can stop them. "My mother was murdered. Seven years ago. I became a cop so I could look into it. I have to solve the case, Castle, I _have _to."

Silence again. She's holding her breath, bracing herself for the sting of rejection.

"_I think you should get some sleep, Kate. Call me if you need anything, okay?_"

That wasn't too bad, right? He hadn't hung up on her or told her he never wanted to see her again- that's a good sign, right?

"Yeah, okay. Night, Castle."

"_Until tomorrow, Detective._" She swears she can still hear the smile in his voice, the same one that always accompanies that particular phrase.

She hangs up the phone with her heart in her throat and a thick sense of foreboding hanging over her head. As much as she wants Castle to defy her expectations, isn't this why she told him in the first place? She wants him to realize what a bad investment she is, before she gets in too deep. She can't afford to get her hopes up; she's not sure she can handle much more disappointment at the moment.

She falls into a heavy hearted and restless sleep.

* * *

Surprisingly, Kate hadn't gotten called in the next morning; regardless, she arrives at the precinct earlier than is strictly necessary. She had been hoping to still her thoughts with some mind numbing paperwork, but, as she steps off the elevator, she knows that's not likely to happen.

There are only a few people in the bullpen, yet her desk is already (partially) occupied. Castle is hunched in the chair he'd claimed as his own, sipping from a giant cup of coffee. He wasn't supposed to be back until the next day. What is he doing here? Despite her confusion, she can't help the smile that tugs at her lips at the sight of her own giant cup of coffee.

Castle looks up, almost as if he senses her presence, and rushes to meet her. She's a little lost, but she doesn't bother trying to stop him as he pushes her toward the stairwell. She doesn't really have the strength of will to fight at the moment, and if he's going to tell her he's done, well, she really doesn't want anyone to witness that.

"What are you doing back?" She's shocked, to say the very least, when she feels his strong arms wrap around her smaller frame.

"I figured you could use a hug."

What is with theses Castles and hugging? But, god, he doesn't know how right he is. She closes her eyes and leans into his embrace, allowing him to hold her. He pulls away after a few minutes, smiling softly. He walks toward the door, but pauses to turn around one last time. He makes sure he's holding her gaze before he speaks.

"Oh, and just so you know, I can't think of a better role model for my daughter than you, Kate."


	9. Chapter 9

_A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get up! I'm currently procrastinating writing a speech (yay college), so it's short and a little all over the place...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Rick feels himself pitching forward, but there's not much he can do about it that doesn't involve taking his daughter down with him. He manages to angle himself so that he falls on a bush, landing with a muffled thump. Stupid rock. The leaves on the bush crinkle as he attempts to extricate himself from the bush without toppling over again; Alexis is trying, unsuccessfully, to muffle her laughter.

"Why exactly did I let you convince me that this would be fun?"

"It _is_ fun, Dad!"

He raises an eyebrow at his daughter. "How? Pray tell, oh daughter of mine."

"Your primary duty as a parent is to derive great joy from my bright and shining face," Alexis states, somehow managing a matter-of-fact tone despite her giggles.

Rick sighs, "I can't argue with you there."

Alexis smiles sweetly at him and pats his arm in an almost patronizing way. As she takes off down the path once again, Rick can't help but marvel at his daughter's grace and agility. He has no idea where she gets it- he can barely stand in the damn roller blades, let alone actually skate.

He watches in amazement as Alexis spins around, grinning at him, so open. She waves to an elderly couple sitting on a bench nearby, turning forward again just in time to avoid a collision. The woman jumps back and Alexis stumbles, apologizing profusely. After the shock wears off the woman's face, she smiles and reaches out to steady the girl. He can tell by the movement of Alexis' head that she's talking animatedly to the woman now.

Rick nearly falls over again. If this had happened not even two months ago, she would have been in or on the verge of tears (in fact something very similar had happened the day she met Beckett). He hasn't seen his daughter this happy and carefree- outside of their home- in years. Maybe ever. Deep down, he knows the reason for this, but he's not quite ready to admit it, not even to himself. He isn't prepared to risk delving into the murky waters of realization just yet, he needs a distraction.

Rick gestures toward the large, empty patch of grass down the path; Alexis takes a look and then turns back, nodding enthusiastically. They clomp through the grass, still in their skates; Alexis reaches into the backpack and unfolds the tablecloth, laying it on the ground as Rick fishes out their two sack lunches.

They eat their peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in companionable silence, wiggling their now bare toes in the grass. It really is the perfect day for a picnic.

* * *

"So, dad, why didn't you go into the precinct today?"

Rick looks up from the yellow legal pad Beckett had given him (now affectionately dubbed the _Nikki Heat _notepad), startled. "Am I not allowed to want to spend time with my beautiful pumpkin head? I missed you while I was out of town, and it's been way too long since we've had a day like this."

"Didn't Gina tell you calling me 'pumpkin head' would give me a complex?"

He flashes a sheepish smile. "Uhh… I called you beautiful too?"

She attempts to roll her eyes at him. He can't help but laugh at the obvious resemblance to Beckett.

"Well now, are we still going to partake in the rest of the father-daughter day tradition, or are you too deeply offended?"

Alexis jumps up from the table and promptly runs to into the living room, proclaiming, "I'll set up the movie, you get the food!"

He shakes his head at her antics, smiling nonetheless. The opening credits for _Batman and Robin_ are already playing as he walks into the living room with the tray of essential snacks. He smiles yet again.

"Good choice, Pumpkin."

"Dad. How many times do I have to tell you to choose one? That's too much junk food."

She is trying her best to look reprimanding, but he can tell she's secretly excited at the prospect of having popcorn and ice cream for dinner. He just shrugs; frankly, he's pretty excited about it too.

They watch the movie cuddled together on the couch, just like they do every time. They remain there, staring at the blue of the television screen, for a while after the movie ends. When he finally looks down at his daughter, she's asleep, her face smashed adorably into his shoulder. His heart warms at the sight, but so help her if she's drooling on him... He really should wake her up to brush her teeth, but she just looks so peaceful. Plus, he's always trying to convince her to live a little, maybe this can be the first step.

He carries her to her room, tucks her into her bed, and places a soft kiss to her forehead. He settles her stuffed monkey in next to her before walking toward her door.

Seemingly out of nowhere, his daughter speaks up, voice laced with decidedness and a surprising amount of awareness.

"Dad."

He stops at the door, silhouetted in the light from the hall, and turns to look at her, "Yes, Pumpkin?"

"We should invite Kate over for dinner more often."

And that was that.

* * *

_I hope you weren't trying to get away from me… Alexis wants you to come over for dinner tomorrow. Can't get much done past five on Sunday, right? You know you want to, we're having breakfast!_

Rick smiles as he hits send; it's not a complete lie, Alexis did say she wanted to invite Kate over, well sort of. He hopes she isn't still at the precinct but he knows it's highly likely, especially if she's working on a case. They had just wrapped up their last case Friday night, which is why he didn't argue when Beckett suggested that he take the day off to hang out with his daughter. He'd wanted to anyway, of course, but he really enjoys helping with the police work as well.

His phone beeps; he picks it up, mentally planning how he'll convince her.

_You gonna make me pancakes?_

Well, that was easier than he thought it would be. He's secretly thrilled at her response; it wasn't an attempt to persuade her to come or to surreptitiously gain information (Alexis had legitimately requested breakfast for dinner), but he is glad to know that night held some significance to her also. Unless she just likes pancakes? Hmm, he hadn't thought of that. Either way, he's happy to oblige- he was going to make pancakes anyway.

_For you, anything. What do you take me for, my dear Detective?  
_

* * *

Kate smiles at his text: _See you tomorrow, bright and early. Now go to bed! You're grumpy when you don't get enough sleep._

She hates to admit it, but he's right. In fact, he's right a surprising amount of the time- not that she will _ever_ tell him. No, his ego would be uncontrollable after that. Sometimes she wonders why she puts up with him.

She can never wonder for long, though, because he always does or says something that reminds her. He always seems to know exactly what she needs and, although she may find herself annoyed after the fact, he still makes her feel better. Every time. She's not sure she will ever get used to that.

And his coffee really is the best, of course. That's the real reason she keeps him around.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: I'm so, so sorry this took so long to get up! I've been terribly busy with school and I had a really hard time with this chapter. I was starting to feel like the characters were getting too out of character (especially Kate), so I had to struggle to get them back on the right path...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

They're sitting on the floor, bent over the coffee table covered with files and containers of lukewarm Chinese takeout, when a piercing scream rings out through the apartment, followed by a thump. Rick is halfway to the stairs by the time the sound stops. He rushes into Alexis' room; she's tangled in a sheet, thrashing on the floor.

He kneels next to her and gently shakes her shoulder, trying to wake her. "Alexis. Alexis, it's just a dream, sweetie."

His daughter eventually stills, blinking quickly through her tears.

"Daddy."

"Hey, Pumpkin. You okay now?" She shakes her head, sniffling. He pulls her into his lap. "Wanna talk about it?"

Alexis shakes her head, burying her face deep into the crook of her neck. When she speaks, the words are muffled and quiet. "Daddy. Kate is okay, right?"

"She's downstairs, we were working. Do you want me to get her?"

"Please."

He walks downstairs, only to find Kate pacing nervously in front of the sofa.

"Can you talk to her?"

She looks up at him with surprise clearly written on her face, but she nods nonetheless. He leads her up the stairs, trying to ignore the silent tension building he can feel building between them. When she sees Kate, Alexis jumps up and wraps her small arms tightly around the older woman. Rick steps out of the room, painfully aware that he is not the one his daughter needs right now, but grateful that Kate is here to help her. From his perch in the hallway, he can hear fragments of their whispered conversation.

_"…. and I was so scared and all by myself and I kept waiting for you to come and you never did and Daddy didn't come either but Daddy was out of town because he was working so he wasn't supposed to come, but you were supposed to come and you didn't… And then Daddy finally did come back from his trip early but then he said we had to go to the hospital because you had gotten hurt. It was from an explosion and even though Daddy kept calling it an accident I knew it was really a bomb… And then I woke up and I was still so scared._"

It worries him that his daughter had dreamt about Kate being injured, presumably on the job; but more so, he was worries how Kate will react to Alexis' rushed confession that shows a lot more than he knows she'll be comfortable with.

He hears Kate assure Alexis that they're all fine; his heart clenches as she begins to whisper something soft and soothing and foreign to his little girl. He feels a sudden and overwhelming urge to show Kate how grateful he is, but even stronger is his need to make sure his baby won't get hurt by yet another woman.

* * *

When he shows up at the precinct the next morning with coffee, her heart starts to flutter- and not in the good way. She smiles softly at him as she reaches for it, trying to mask her inner turmoil, and takes a sip. _Grande skim latte with two pumps of sugar free vanilla_. She has to force herself to swallow as she fights to suppress the panic that flares up in her chest.

She hasn't even known Rick Castle for three months; he should not be privy to little details such as how she takes her coffee. Will still manages to mess up her order, and they've been dating for nearly a year. It's too much, too close. What worries her most is that she didn't even realize it was happening.

She's a detective, for Christ's sake- how had she not noticed their lives becoming so intertwined? When had she become the kind of person that calmed his daughter down from a nightmare? She isn't whole enough for that; how can she be that kind of person when she can't even calm herself down from her own nightmares?

She desperately wants Castle to tell her that it's not too fast and that she's good for them much in the same way they're good for her. She wants him to set her at ease, like he usually does. Judging by the look on his face, that isn't what's going to happen.

"Alexis has abandonment issues and a fear of rejection. For the life of me, I haven't been able to undo the damage done by my ex wives."

Kate feels her breath catch in her throat; she has an uneasy feeling about where this is going. She opens her mouth to speak, but he cuts her off with a wave of his hand. Her heart rate picks up as Castle drags his hand over his face and takes a few deep breaths.

"Meredith was never cut out to be a mother, or a wife, for that matter. The extent of her parenting consisted of flaunting Alexis for attention and/or sympathy. When Alexis was three, I came home from a meeting to my daughter eating straight from a bag of marshmallows watching _Friends_, and my wife in bed with her director. Meredith left us pretty quickly after that, divorced me and moved to California to pursue her career. Now she shows up whenever it's convenient for her, which isn't often. I think the last time she found the time to come around was one day sometime last year."

He takes a deep breath, and Kate can see him working to keep it off his face.

"Gina was different; she fawned over Alexis, and Alexis ate it up. She loved the shopping trips and the publicity events because they made her feel important, something she had never gotten from her mother. Eventually it stopped being fun, though; Gina became overly critical of everything Alexis did or said. When I realized she was just using my baby girl as a symbol, a way to boost her image, I divorced her almost immediately. Alexis took the divorce hard; she could tell something had changed, but she didn't quite know what. I didn't have the heart to tell her that every special moment she the she had shared with her stepmom had simply been crafted as part of some publicity stunt."

Kate looks down at her hands, her heart aching for the lively, caring little girl that had been hurt so much already. "Why are you telling me this?"

"For the past two years, getting Alexis to willingly interact with almost anyone has been comparable to pulling teeth. She wouldn't make eye contact and rarely spoke, and when she did, it was barely more than a whisper. She had gotten so used to being let down that she finally just stopped asking for things. Until she met you, Kate; you brought out a side in her that I wasn't sure I would ever see again. She asked me this morning if we could invite you to the Hamptons for her birthday."

Her breathing picks up; she can't be having a panic attack, not in the middle of the precinct, not in front of him.

"I told her if she really wants you to come, she should ask. If you can come, that's great, we'd love to have you; if not, give her an honest answer, she'll understand. We all have our problems, Kate; we are all messed up and a little broken, and that's okay. But if you tell her yes, you had damn well better mean it, because if you break my little girl's heart… We're done."


	11. Chapter 11

_A/N: Wow, it's been a while... I'm really sorry this took so long to get up (and that it's so short)! I got a new computer recently and that, plus school and other ideas floating around my head made this chapter oddly difficult to write. Hopefully I won't have as much of a problem in the future...  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Kate stares at him, mouth agape and heart beating frantically, as those two words reverberate through her mind. _We're done_.

It's not like he's saying they are done, not yet- but maybe they should be. If he so much as thinks she can break a promise to the sweetest, most deserving child she's ever met, maybe she doesn't deserve a place in their lives at all. Maybe that's what he's really trying to say; maybe he wants her to just say 'no,' cut it off quick and swift.

She closes her mouth, lips pressed tight as she tries to suppress the rising panic. She told Castle she wouldn't be a good influence for his daughter, but he didn't listen. This is why she should have never let herself get attached, it hurts. Everything ends, always, and attachment just makes the endings harder.

She needs to get away from him, away from everyone. She pushes her chair back, stands, and moves toward the restroom. He reaches out, grabs her wrist, and pulls her to the break room. The click of the door cuts through the thick, silent tension filling the room. He steps toward her. She steps back, refusing to look at him.

"Kate. I'm not saying I think you will hurt her. I do trust you. I just- I needed to say it, to protect her and to make sure you understand…"

She's not sure what exactly she's supposed to be understanding, but her mind is sending her a pretty clear message: _run_.

"Hey." She looks up, startled to see Castle standing right in front of her. "Thank you for being there last night, talking to her. You've made both of us better, you know."

Wait, what? He is all over the place this morning. He can't keep changing the subject like that! She doesn't know what to say to that, so she goes with the truth, "I don't want to hurt her."

"I know you don't."

She looks up at him, timid and confused. "Do you want me to tell her I can't come, so it won't even be a problem?"

"I want you to do what you want to do, Kate, and to be honest with my daughter."

What _does _she want to do? The offer is enticing; a few days at the beach sound really nice, and probably just what she needs. She has at least a few months worth of days off piled up; she could get the weekend off with no problem. But _should_ she? What kind of message would that send Alexis? She is in a relationship, after all, no matter what state it's currently in.

She should just say no, she can't come. She should protect them all from being hurt by their inevitable ending; but dammit, she can't bring herself to do it. She wants to get away, spend the weekend with them, forget about the reality of her life for just a few days. She's fighting a battle with herself, trying to reconcile what she knows she should do with what she so desperately _wants_ to do.

What scares her the most, though, is the thought of never seeing Rick and Alexis again. Because of them, she had gotten used to smiling again; the thought of never seeing them again scares her more than anything, and that _terrifies_ her. She knows she can't be good for them, despite what he seems to think, but all she can think about is how they are good for her. And, dammit, if that makes her selfish, well she doesn't want to care- the problem is, she does. She cares about them; she shouldn't have let them in this far, but they made it impossible not to.

She risks looking up at him, finds herself taken aback by the level of understanding in his eyes. He's looking at her like he knows exactly what she's thinking, like he's worried that she'll convince herself to take the wrong path. Even though she knows he'll never say it out loud, his eyes give him away. He wants her to come- regardless of the inherent risk, he wants her there. More than anything, the look in his eyes proves how much he really does trust her. That in itself should scare her, but it doesn't.

She takes a deep breath, convinced that if he is willing to take that risk, she should at least be willing to try. "I can ask the Captain for the weekend off. We both know he loves Alexis; so, if it comes down to it, which I'm hoping it won't, he'll kick me out to make sure I'm there on time."

His smile is brilliant; it eases some of the strain her internal conflict had put on her heart. "Alexis will be so excited! She'll probably ask you at dinner tomorrow night. Do you think you could…" He trails off, obviously not sure how to word what his thoughts. It doesn't matter, thought, because she knows what he's trying to say.

She laughs quietly, "Yes, Castle, I'll act surprised."

His eyes light up and he wraps her in a quick hug. It catches her off guard, but he's pulling back before she has time to react.

"Thank you, Kate. Now go drink your coffee before it gets cold!"


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: I know this is really short, but I wanted to get it up before I get busy again; I also didn't really know where to add more without changing point of view, so... Sorry about that! :P Also, thank you very much to everyone that has reviewed this story so far, you guys are pretty awesome!  
_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

She can do this, no big deal, right? She can, she can, she can. Unfortunately, repeating it doesn't make her believe it any more. She doesn't want to be nervous, but she is. Her dad always makes a big deal about going to the Hamptons for her birthday; it's something that's important, or at least she thinks it should be. Her birthday is important to her and it's important to her dad, but it has never been very important to her mom and it was definitely not important to Gina. She feels stupid for wanting it to be important to Kate, especially because Kate has so many other more important things to worry about, but she can't help it.

It bothers her that adults won't just tell her the truth- they always tell her what they think she wants to hear, even if it's not true and they have to go back and change it later on. She's old enough to understand, even if she is disappointed; she just wishes people would be honest with her.

Except Kate is different; Kate always tells the truth. Alexis can't think of a time she's ever heard Kate lie, it's even a part of her job… So Alexis doesn't really understand why she's nervous to ask.

The knock on the door makes her jump. Oh man, she's not ready for this! She still has a whole lot of mental preparation to do before she can ask. With that in mind, she scampers up the stairs to her room to hide until dinner and hopes that she isn't being rude.

* * *

There's another, quieter knock on her door maybe fifteen minutes later. Alexis takes a couple of deep breaths- ready or not, here it goes.

"Come in."

She's surprised when the opening door reveals a smiling Kate, although she really shouldn't be.

"Hey, Alexis. Your dad asked me to come tell you dinner's almost ready. He seemed to have misplaced the sour cream and, apparently, baked potatoes without sour cream are a travesty."

Alexis doesn't even want to suppress the small smile she feels pulling at her lips. Her dad is awesome. "Well, I can't say I disagree." She takes one more really deep breath. "Kate, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure, sweetie," Kate says as she comes to sit on the foot of the bed. Alexis likes that, because she doesn't have to look as far up to make eye contact, or well, she wouldn't have to if she were actually brave enough to look at Kate while asking.

"Well, uh, my dad always takes me up to our house in the Hamptons for my birthday and I was wondering if, cause it's on a Saturday this year, if you wanted to come with us? It's on June 24th…"

She's blushing by the time she's done and she feels dumb because she was rambling and talking really fast and maybe Kate hadn't even understood her, but she doesn't think she has it in her to ask again.

When Kate speaks, she's smiling, and that makes Alexis think that maybe she had been nervous for nothing. "I'd love to, Alexis. That sounds really nice, actually."

"Really, you'll come?" She tries to sound cool and grown up, but she's pretty sure that had failed. She just hopes she hadn't sounded too dependent and excited.

"Of course I'll come! I've got a ton of time off that I haven't used, so it shouldn't be a problem. Thank you for inviting me, Alexis."

She feels her mouth fall open, but there's not much she can do about it at the moment. "Uhh, you're welcome. I hope you can make it."

"I'll do everything I possibly can to make sure I'm there."

Kate didn't promise she would be there; Alexis actually likes that. She already knows Kate wouldn't lie to her, and now she knows Kate wouldn't make a promise if there's a possibility of it being broken. It comes as a bit of a shock when Alexis realizes she trusts Kate, and that doesn't scare her nearly as much as it probably should.

"Thanks, Kate." She smiles, hoping Kate knows she's not just talking about her birthday weekend.

* * *

As he's tucking her in, her dad asks if she got a chance to talk to Kate. Alexis is glad that he hadn't asked in front of Kate- that would have been embarrassing.

"Yep! She said she'd love to come."

"Oh good! You sure about this, Pumpkin?"

"Yeah, dad, I am. She didn't even promise, just said she would do her best to be there."

He should know the significance of that. He was the one that had explained to Alexis why her mother kept breaking her promises and had, finally, just asked her to stop making them. She thinks it's really sweet how her dad is always looking out for her.

He leans in to kiss her forehead, just like he does every night. "I love you, Pumpkin. Sweet dreams."

She smiles and wraps her arms around her dad's neck, unable to control her sudden surge of affection. "I love you too, Daddy, more and more every day."


	13. Chapter 13

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

Kate closes her eyes and shakes her head, trying to dislodge the guilt she's been fighting all day. Will had been away on a case for the better part of a week and had arrived back in the city a few hours ago, yet, here she is, waiting in the lobby for the elevator to take her up to Castle's loft.

She and Will have fought many times about her relationship with the Castles over the two and a half months she's known them. Will doesn't like and doesn't trust Castle, and he had been angry when she had decided to honor their standing Tuesday night dinner instead of going out with him. The only reason he'd relented had been her mention of Alexis; Will's always been firm believer that a child should never have to pay for their parents' mistakes.

She does feel bad for blowing Will off to hang out with her friends, but what she really feels guilty about is that she doesn't feel worse. He had been out of town for six days and had called her twice- once when he was frustrated and wanted an outside opinion on the case, and then again when they had finally touched down in New York. Both of those calls had quickly digressed into arguements, especially when she mentioned that Castle and Alexis had brought her dinner Friday night because she had been swamped at work and had to cancel on their movie night.

The dinging of the elevator brings her back to reality just in time to side step a woman barreling through the doors, her designer bags swinging wildly. The woman shoots Kate an affronted look, as if the near collision had been her fault. Kate shakes her head as she steps into the elevator, trying to put her snarky thoughts out of mind.

When Castle answers the door, he's scowling. She can see the moment he registers her presence; his face goes blank and his rigid posture deflates.

"Kate," he sighs.

"What's wrong?"

He steps aside to usher her in, not so subtly avoiding her question.

He looks defeated in a way she's never seen before- a way she never wants to see again.

"Castle," she shamelessly prompts him, "what happened?" He had been fine, giddy almost, when he had called her an hour ago to ask if she'd eat tacos for dinner.

"Meredith," he finally grinds out, the vein in his forehead throbbing.

She knows he'll tell her when he's ready; she doesn't have to wait long. He takes a deep breath and starts pacing, his fists clenching at his side.

"Alexis went to answer the door, excited that you had gotten here early- except when she opened the door, it wasn't you. Meredith breezed in like it hadn't been over a year since she'd last been here and told Alexis she had to be at the airport soon, but she 'just wanted to drop by and say hi.' Needless to say, that didn't go over well. Meredith just left, and Alexis has barricaded herself in her bedroom. She won't let me in and she won't talk to me."

His words are flat, lacking their normal flair. He doesn't even need to say it, she can tell this is killing him.

"Oh, Castle, I'm sorry. Do you want me to go talk to her?"

"You can try." His eyes are pleading with her to make this better for his little girl.

* * *

She walks up the stairs slowly and knocks on the door, hoping she doesn't make everything worse.

"Alexis?"

"Go away."

"Sorry sweetie, not gonna happen. Can you open the door, please?"

There's a faint mumbling sound and some shuffling, before Alexis opens the door a crack. Her eyes are red and puffy and, though her cheeks are smeared dry, Kate can see the tears accumulating again.

"Can I come in?"

Alexis opens the door just enough for Kate to squeeze through, but doesn't move out of the entry. Kate turns to find Alexis leaning her forehead against the wooden panel, her hand gripping the doorknob limply. With her heart in her throat, Kate reaches out to the girl. She startles at first, before launching herself into Kate's arms, tears flowing freely once again.

"What's wrong with me, Kate? Why doesn't my mother want me? Why doesn't she love me?"

"Oh, sweetheart, your mother loves you, she just doesn't know how to show it." Defending Meredith leaves a bitter taste on her tongue, but Kate can't let Alexis go on thinking her mother doesn't love her. She cradles Alexis's face in her hands, wiping the tears from the girl's cheeks. "There is nothing wrong with you, absolutely nothing."

"But there has to be, that's the only explanation. My mother saw it, and Gina saw it, too. When are you going to see it, Kate?"

"There's nothing to see, Alexis. Nothing other than the sweetest, smartest, most compassionate girl I've ever met. Anyone who can't see that, well, it's their loss; but I'm not letting you go. No way."

Kate wraps her arms around the girl again, tightly. When she finally feels Alexis's breathing begin to regulate, Kate feels like she can also breathe again.

"Hey, I have an idea. Let's leave your dad to make dinner by himself and go get some ice cream. What do you think?"

Alexis laughs, a watery thing, before agreeing. The little girl wraps her arms around the detective one last time, whispering softly into the embrace, "Please don't leave us, Kate."

Kate feels her heart stop; even though she knows this is a critical, life changing moment, the words spill from her lips easily, naturally.

"I won't, Alexis. Even if you dad and I aren't friends anymore, I promise I will never leave you."


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Just my luck: I finally have the time and motivation to write, and I end up writing this chapter three times over... I think I'm finally happy with it, though- mostly. I'm so sorry for the ridiculous time it's taken me to update! Thank you to everyone who has followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! :)_

_Disclaimer: I can say I own _Castle _all I want, but that doesn't make it any less of a lie (unfortunately)..._

* * *

The music pounds in her head, growing louder with every beat and making it near impossible to think. This is not quite what she'd had in mind when she had asked Lanie for a girl's night… She had been hoping for pajamas, a few glasses of wine, some sappy romantic comedy movie, and talking through all her problems. Instead, she's stuck in a tight, uncomfortable red dress nursing the same beer she'd had all night, watching her friend dance and ruminating on the jumbled mess that is (of) her current state of mind- not coming to any conclusions, mind you.

"Girl, what's wrong with you? Get your skinny ass out here and dance with me!"

Kate looks down, intent on the glass in her hands. "I'm not really in the mood, Lanie."

"Okay." Lanie takes a seat next to Kate, leaning heavily against the bar. "What's going on?"

"I think I'm thinking too much…"

She assumes the look that crosses Lanie's face is goes along with a snort that was lost in the sound of some rapper talking about his girlfriends.

"Shocker." Kate can hear the blatant sarcasm in her friend's voice, even over the noise of the crowded club. "Thinking too much about…?"

"Everything," she groans, dropping her head to her hands.

Lanie gives her the patented no-nonsense-best-friend glare. "Well. In that case. Wanna tell me why you called me tonight?"

"Not really…" She really doesn't feel comfortable talking about this- or about anything, really- in such a public location, but she had asked for this, and it seems as though she won't be given much of a choice, if the look on Lanie's face is anything to go by. "Well, Castle, I guess. Mostly."

"What did he do this time?"

There's a bit of a protective edge to her friend's voice; in any other instance, she would be fighting back a smile and a surge of amused, grateful affection. Instead, Kate sighs, a heavy thing. "Nothing. He didn't do anything. He… Well, he went home to write."

"So?" Now Lanie's tone is all snark, with only a hint of confusion.

Kate jams her fingers through her hair, frustrated. She has no idea how to answer this seemingly simple question, and that in itself is a large part of her problem. She doesn't know what the big deal is, she really has no idea. It's not like this is the first time something like this has happened; Castle leaves early to write before he has to get Alexis from school at least once a week.

"I… I don't know, Lanie. I guess it was just something about the way he said 'Goodbye, Kate,' so formal and so distracted. I mean, I know he's going home to write the book about the character he based on me and that he didn't mean anything by it, but there's nothing hopeful about _goodbye_. What if… What if, one day, he decides not to come back?"

Ah. That seems to be the heart of the problem.

"You know that's not going to happen, girl. At least, not anytime soon. That man's crazy about you."

She sighs again, "I know."

"What's really the problem?" Lanie asks, with much more insight that Kate is strictly comfortable with.

"It's… I don't know. I just… I feel like I'm doing something wrong."

"What do you mean?"

She's almost certain Lanie knows _exactly _what she means. It frustrates her to no end, Lanie's goading, but her friend is convinced talking about her feelings will help. Kate will never admit it out loud, but Lanie's insistence that she get it all out there really does make all the difference. That in mind, she reminds herself that Lanie's heart is in the right place and decides to give honesty a fair shot.

"Well. There's Will, and then there's Castle. I'm kind of crazy about him too…" The last part comes out so quietly, there's no possible way Lanie could have heard it through the chaos surrounding them.

"You mean Will, the boyfriend I've yet to meet- after nearly a _year_, might I add- because he's always busy with work or out of town?"

Well, that's not the only reason, not really. Kate figures her silence is answer enough.

"Do you love him?"

Kate looks down at her twiddling thumbs, at scratched surface of the bar, at anything other than her friend. "No, I don't," she whispers.

"Does he love you?"

"He says he does."

Lanie sighs, her exasperation verging on dramatic. "And you say it right back to him… Not helping your case, Beckett. Let me ask you this: why haven't you dumped his sorry ass yet?"

Kate sits in near stunned silence as she considers Lanie's question (her shock coming more from the tenacity of the question, than the question itself, of course). If she's being truly honest with herself, she doesn't really know what love is supposed to feel like- not romantic love, at least. Is it supposed to feel like family, like safety? She thinks that maybe, just maybe, love should feel like home.

She shrugs, opting for a simple cop-out of an answer. "He's safe."

Lanie's regarding her with that all knowing look, once again. "Because it's easy to keep one foot out the door?"

Kate hangs her head, knowing her friend is right.

"Kate. I think you know what you need to do."

She nods, somehow feeling better and worse at the same time. Better because she feels content with what needs to happen, worse because she knows it won't be easy.

She nods again, more for her own benefit. While she's nowhere near ready to try to start something, just the idea of a relationship with the writer feels right. It feels like home. She's known that for quite some time now, but the realization of what that really means is startling. It catches her completely off guard, although she supposes it shouldn't, not really.

Yes, she knows exactly what she needs to do.

She gives her friend a weak smile, "Thanks, Lanie."

"Anytime, girl. Now, I'm only going to say this one more time… Get your skinny ass out there and dance with me!"


End file.
